Monday, April 20, 2015

Prayer Request

Last week I received the news that I was dreading...


Just in time for Melanoma Awareness Month.

(I really struggle with sharing this stuff publicly but not only does it help me get my feelings out, it can also serve as help for people going through the same situation. )

Let me back track here. In 2009 when Tim and I were newly dating we took TONS of pictures and he always got close up shots of my face. This was the first time I noticed this mark and I just figured it was a freckle that I hadn't noticed.

I wasn't worried and never gave it a second thought.

Years later it seemed to hit me all of a sudden. I looked in the mirror and it jumped out at me. When did this thing get so big and dark!? Make- up wasn't covering it anymore and it seemed to be spreading.  Eventually it just became part of me and once again, I forgot about it.

Last year Tim and I discussed getting it looked at but I knew it was nothing. Guys, I'm so careful when going in the sun. I always wear sunblock, especially on my face and the times where I did go in a tanning bed I would cover my face with a towel. This had to be a beauty mark.

I was perfectly happy ignoring it until a couple months ago when a cashier complimented me on my beauty mark. That's when I realized it was noticeable and I should probably have it looked at to put my mind at ease. 

I had a biopsy and the results showed that it was a severely atypical mole that could possibly become cancerous at some point in my life. It would need to be removed but we decided it would be a good idea to get a second opinion. It was sent to the best of the best in San Francisco and a week later we found out that it was in fact cancer and my doctor was very clear and very apologetic when he told me this would be a "gnarly scar". 

I went through so many feelings so quickly. First came anger, "What the heck!? Can't I catch a break!?" Health issues have been insanely overwhelming the last 4 years and I didn't need this little add-on. Then came vanity...I have self-esteem issues already and now I'm going to have this ugly scar right across my face. This passed quickly because I'd take a hundred scars if that's what it meant to get this out of my body. 

I'm oddly optimistic. This just seems so cut and dry to me.
It is here, it is melanoma and I only have one option to get rid of it. If it's worse then we think, I'll deal. 

I'm doing all I can not to worry about that what if's and praying that they don't find something worse once they're in there.

I would really appreciate your prayers too. I'll take em all!

My first surgery is April 27th. They will get as much out as they think they need and send it for biopsy. April 29th I'll go back and if they need more they'll do that, if not, they'll stitch me up.

Please pray for Tim also. He is my rock and after so many years of being my rock this one kind of threw him for a loop.