Beach Bonfire

Last night we celebrated our 4th Annual Beach Bonfire! I can't believe these wonderful people have been in our lives for four years. We've made some wonderful lifelong friends.

Photography by the awesome D Park Photography

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Week 14 Update

Hello Second Trimester!

How far along? 14 weeks! Officially in the 2nd trimester and I can't believe we made it!

How big is baby? The size of a nectarine

Total weight gain: I'm back to my normal weight +1lb

Maternity Clothes? Some maternity, some normal

Stretch marks? Not yet

Sleep: This week I've only been getting up once a night to go to the bathroom but I have a harder time falling asleep.

Best moment this week: Last Christmas Tims parents gave us gift cards to Glen Ivy so on Monday we took a spa day. It was so nice relaxing by the pools all day. They have these awesome floating bean bags that I wanted to steal. We also had the best nachos ever. Thanks John and Debbie!

Miss anything? Not being out of breath walking up the stairs.

Movement: Not yet! I felt a little blip earlier but I think it was just my breakfast digesting :)

Food Cravings: My cravings completely switched from savory to sweet. Now I could live on Ice Cream and cookies. Luckily I still have some will power.

Food Aversions: Greek food! We used to eat it once a week and now it sounds so gross. Last week we went out for Greek food with our Life Group and it was delicious but I was up all night feeling so sick.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Certain smells and being in the car

Gender: Not yet. I had a dream it was a boy but I've read that whatever gender you dream of, it's the opposite...hmm..

Symptoms: Fatigue, some nausea, getting more emotional (if that's even possible)

Belly Button in or out? In

Looking forward to? Our next appointment at the beginning of the month.

12 Week Update

This week I'm really feeling large and in charge which is silly because I know it's only the beginning! I have to keep reminding myself that this is whats supposed to happen and I haven't just let myself go.

I've decided to do bi-weekly updates just to keep a record of whats happening throughout the pregnancy.

How far along? 12 weeks 5 days

How big is baby? The size of a plum!

Total weight gain: I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight after losing 4 lbs

Maternity Clothes? I bought some maternity shorts and they are SO comfortable!

Stretch marks? Not yet

Sleep: I've been waking up 1-2 times a night to pee and toss and turn quite a bit.

Best moment this week: Our 12 week Ultrasound and sharing the news

Miss anything? A turkey sandwich from Jersey Mikes :(

Movement: Not yet. I'm wondering if I'll even notice any little flutters.

Food Cravings: Nothing really. In the beginning I couldn't get enough Mexican food, it's all I could stomach, but now I don't crave anything.

Food Aversions: Pretty much everything, but mostly chicken and even that comes and goes.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not eating soon enough, swallowing my prenatal pill, and any strong smell.

Gender: Still waiting!

Symptoms: Fatigue, Lower back pain, Nausea that usually hits in the afternoon, and anxiety

Belly Button in or out? In

Looking forward to? The second trimester!!!!

Something tells me we will have a very protective Big Brother on our hands!

Oh Baby!

For this child I have prayed and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart. 1 Samuel 1:27

It's true! We're pregnant! We are the proud owners of a teeny, squirmy, healthy 12 week baby..err...fetus!

It feels so good to be able to share the news.

We found out super early (too early in my opinion) and decided to wait till 8 weeks to tell our families and 12 to tell the rest of the  world.

I always had plans to document every little thing and take weekly bump pictures from the very beginning but that changed very quickly when morning sickness hit at 6 weeks and I couldn't muster the energy or desire to care. With the Second Trimester less than a week away I'm feeling more myself and ready to document this pregnancy!

Like I said, we found out super early....like 3 weeks pregnant. Oh, did I mention we were getting ready to start fertility treatment in a couple weeks!? I did manage to write down how that went so I wouldn't forget it:

3 Weeks:

Although I still have a week until my next expected period I just had this feeling that I should test. I've had tons of practice preparing for nothing to happen so I knew that it being so early chances would be very slim. I waited for Tim to go pick up his dry cleaning and I took a test. A VERY faint line came up right away. Normally I stare at it forever, squinting and trying to make myself see a second line but this time I didn't have to squint. I took it in every room to see it in different types of light. It was there. Ive always wanted to surprise Tim in a fun, creative way so I wrapped the test in its package and put it back in the box. It took Tim 15 minutes to get home and I probably unwrapped and rewrapped the test back up 10 times to look at it again. I heard the door unlock and my desire to come up with a creative way to tell him went out the window. I grabbed the test and went out to meet him. He had his back to me and when he turned around I was standing there holding it. He said, "Whats that?" (He knows what a pregnancy test is but after almost 4 years of weird things happening and me peeing on about 1000 tests, it seemed like a logical question). That night I took a digital test that said "Not Pregnant" but I've always heard those aren't as sensitive. The following morning I woke up and took two more. This time the line was a little darker and the digital said "Pregnant 1-2 Weeks"! Tomorrow I go for a blood test to confirm. I'm super excited but more nervous. I'm trying not to let myself get so wrapped up in this till we have more reassurance.

Those first 8 weeks were some of the most anxiety ridden weeks Ive ever experienced. Our previous pregnancies never made it past 6 weeks so I was fortunate enough to see a specialist right away and had weekly ultrasounds to make sure everything was going as planned. At 8 weeks we heard the heartbeat and it was music to our ears! I'll never forget that moment.

Since then the anxiety pretty much stayed the same until yesterday at our 12 week appointment when a tiny, busy little thing popped up instantly! It was moving around like crazy and it actually looked like a baby. The ultrasound tech pulled the wand away from my stomach and I said, "That was it moving, right? So it's alive, right?" I just needed that reassurance! It was the cutest little thing ever, playing with its hands, rubbing it's eyes, and my favorite picture of it's little bum and legs crossed at the ankles.

This has been quite the journey and I can't believe how different it is than what I imagined all these years. All of my mom friends tell me this is only the beginning of the worry, but with each milestone I feel myself accepting that this is getting more and more real. 

I just feel so blessed to have the opportunity to be a Mom and carry a child. There were so many times when I thought it wouldn't be possible. Tim and I are so thankful for all of the love, support, and prayers we've received on our journey to parenthood and I can't wait to share our joy with our loved ones!

Post Surgery Update

It's been about two weeks since my surgery and I'm happy to say that I'm healing well and melanoma free!!

I didn't think the surgery was going to happen because the weekend before I was knocked off my feet by a stomach bug so violent I had to go to the ER. I've never been so sick and after passing out and hitting my head on the bathroom floor, Tim put me in the car and found the closest emergency room.

I can honestly say that the bug was waaaayyyy worse than the surgery!

I sucked it up and went in that Monday for the first procedure. The worst part was the numbing shots. Other than that, I had no pain, just a weird tugging sensation. He put a couple of stitches in to hold me over the next 24 hours while the sample was biopsied. 

I received a call the following day stating that he got everything out in the first procedure so the followup would be some more smaller incisions for cosmetic reasons and the rest of the stitches .

The numbing shots were even worse than the last ones because they were in the open wound! I almost came up off of the table! 

I really wasn't in much pain at all. It was definitely swollen and if I accidentally bumped it I felt a jolt of pain but it was so much easier than I was anticipating. The following week I went back twice to have stitches removed in stages and the doctor seemed to be pleased with how its healing.

He glued me up, gave me another bandage and I have to wear it for a couple more weeks.

I really miss washing my face and wearing makeup but I'm just soooo happy it's over with! 

I just need to brag about my husband a little bit...

Throughout all of this medical drama he has been so very helpful. He has taken care of the household, run errands, and done pretty much everything for me, including washing my hair. I couldn't have done it without him! 

Prayer Request

Last week I received the news that I was dreading...

Melanoma.

Just in time for Melanoma Awareness Month.

(I really struggle with sharing this stuff publicly but not only does it help me get my feelings out, it can also serve as help for people going through the same situation. )

Let me back track here. In 2009 when Tim and I were newly dating we took TONS of pictures and he always got close up shots of my face. This was the first time I noticed this mark and I just figured it was a freckle that I hadn't noticed.

I wasn't worried and never gave it a second thought.

Years later it seemed to hit me all of a sudden. I looked in the mirror and it jumped out at me. When did this thing get so big and dark!? Make- up wasn't covering it anymore and it seemed to be spreading.  Eventually it just became part of me and once again, I forgot about it.

Last year Tim and I discussed getting it looked at but I knew it was nothing. Guys, I'm so careful when going in the sun. I always wear sunblock, especially on my face and the times where I did go in a tanning bed I would cover my face with a towel. This had to be a beauty mark.

I was perfectly happy ignoring it until a couple months ago when a cashier complimented me on my beauty mark. That's when I realized it was noticeable and I should probably have it looked at to put my mind at ease. 

I had a biopsy and the results showed that it was a severely atypical mole that could possibly become cancerous at some point in my life. It would need to be removed but we decided it would be a good idea to get a second opinion. It was sent to the best of the best in San Francisco and a week later we found out that it was in fact cancer and my doctor was very clear and very apologetic when he told me this would be a "gnarly scar". 

I went through so many feelings so quickly. First came anger, "What the heck!? Can't I catch a break!?" Health issues have been insanely overwhelming the last 4 years and I didn't need this little add-on. Then came vanity...I have self-esteem issues already and now I'm going to have this ugly scar right across my face. This passed quickly because I'd take a hundred scars if that's what it meant to get this out of my body. 

I'm oddly optimistic. This just seems so cut and dry to me.

It is here, it is melanoma and I only have one option to get rid of it. If it's worse then we think, I'll deal. 

I'm doing all I can not to worry about that what if's and praying that they don't find something worse once they're in there.

I would really appreciate your prayers too. I'll take em all!

My first surgery is April 27th. They will get as much out as they think they need and send it for biopsy. April 29th I'll go back and if they need more they'll do that, if not, they'll stitch me up.

Please pray for Tim also. He is my rock and after so many years of being my rock this one kind of threw him for a loop.  

Community.

Community.

For the last 3 years I've been blessed to be part of the most amazing group of people that have changed my life.

Our church, like many others, would always pound "community" into our brains and I never felt it was necessary. We went to church each weekend and sat in the nosebleeds in hopes of not having to shake a hand or speak to strangers.

In 2012 I felt called to join a group study at our church called Rooted. This group of people was put together and led to reveal our deepest, darkest struggles and face life challenges along side complete strangers. What happened in those next weeks changed our lives forever.

Here we are 3 years later and we are some of the best friends you could find. These people know so much about me and I know so much about them and we are nothing but open and honest with each other and it's the most refreshing thing ever. 

We really are going through life together. Through the ups and downs we are never alone. When I get knocked down I have a group of people to build me up and chances are, someones already been in my shoes and can offer me the support I need. I thank God everyday for his awesome group picking ability because these people are perfect for me.